The older a boy gets, the harder it is to be sure he’s paying attention.
Other moms have warned me that when you talk to an adolescent boy — or worse, a proper teenager — you might as well just be talking to yourself.
(With girls, apparently you just can’t get a word in edgewise, but that’s an issue for another day.)
For whatever reason, it doesn’t seem to occur to to some boys that a question is meant to be answered or that a comment can be a conversation starter.
My 12-year-old is one of those kids who, assuming he responds at all, can be so random in his answers I sometimes wonder why I bother to ask the questions. He tells me things are taken care of when they’re not, then lets me nag him to do stuff he’s already done, ensuring that we’re both frustrated on a regular basis. To make things worse, I can’t even assume that he never listens because too often he surprises me with a question about something I’ve said that wasn’t meant for his ears.
I can’t tell if the confusion gets to him — he could just be hiding behind that impassive gaze he’s perfected — but it’s chipping away at my sanity day by day, except for a few seconds every morning when my son’s refusal to acknowledge me adds a little sunshine to my day.
It’s been a gradual evolution. When he was little, I walked my son to his classroom every morning. A few years ago, I started dropping him off at the door. For the last couple years, though, I’ve suspected that if he didn’t need me to drive him to school then he wouldn’t ever let me near the campus, judging from the way he leaps from the car before I even turn the engine off, often before I can even hand him lunch money or make after school arrangements.
Everything changed this year when his sister started kindergarten at the same school. The elementary and middle school are in different buildings, so every morning after I park the car, my son bolts out to make sure that he’s far, far away before his sister and I get all her things sorted and emerge from the car.
He’s usually out of sight by time my daughter and I make our way to her kindergarten class and, unless there’s a reason, I don’t go looking for him.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t see him, however.
Every morning, the entire school gets together for a morning assembly, which is when I need to leave my daughter’s classroom so she can start her day. To my eternal amusement, my son’s class is usually coming as I’m going.
Sometimes when we pass, I offer him a cheerful greeting.
A couple times, I’ve reached over to muss his hair.
Not only has he never responded, there have been a couple times when I’ve burst out laughing because he accidentally caught my eye and had to pretend he didn’t to disguise his embarrassment that his mom not only existed, but was also standing right next to him. The horror!
I wonder what he thinks when some of his other classmates say hello to me, or worse, point me out to him, which means he has to ignore them, too.
I’d ask him, but I know that’s a question he’ll never answer.
For many kids — myself included — college was never presented as an option. While there were times when I resented that I had to go, it never occurred to me not to go, even though I kind of limped to the finish line.
I don’t think that college is a prerequisite to success, or even a high-paying job, but I have always believed that a degree opens the doors to more career opportunities.
Most kids I talk to seem to be of the same mind — although I have to add the caveat that I’m a journalist who often talks to ambitious and high-achieving kids.
I bring this up because an article on the USA Today wire surprised me. (see below) In the Q&A, author Charles Murray thinks too many kids are going to college, which erodes the worth of a bachelor’s degree and also dooms to failure those kids who can’t hack it.
It’s pretty interesting and may even be correct, but I’m still going to have to put up an argument if my kids decide against going to college.
Do too many people go to college? This author says yes
By MARY BETH MARKLEIN
USA TODAY
A college education is often hailed as the ticket to the good life. But in “Real Education: Four Simple Truths for Bringing America’s Schools Back to Reality” (Crown Forum), Charles Murray says too many people go to college. In 1994, he co-wrote “The Bell Curve,” arguing that intelligence is a better predictor of success than socioeconomic status or parents’ education. He talks with Mary Beth Marklein.
Question:You say some students just do not belong in college. Are there potential misconceptions you want to clear up?
Answer: It’s not that they’re too dumb, but whether (a bachelor’s degree) is right for all. Almost all young people need some training after high school, but pursuing a bachelor’s is a clumsy, ineffectual way to get the training they need.
Q: You say the value of the bachelor’s degree has eroded.
A: The B.A. is supposed to stand for a classic liberal education. That means having to read and understand some really tough texts. Well, there are lots of kids who are never going to be able to read “Aristotle’s Ethics” and understand it. You have colleges watering down courses, inflating grades, pretending kids are doing college-level work when they’re not. By making a degree something everyone is supposed to want, we punish people who do not get one.
Q: There’s so much focus now on improving retention and graduation rates. Are those efforts a waste of time?
A: Colleges are filled with kids who have no business being there. It’s destructive to kids who can’t handle it and flunk out. It helps no one to pretend that everyone can get a college degree if they try hard enough.
Q: Who gets to decide who should pursue a bachelor’s?
A: I’m not saying we’re going to measure the top 10 percent and let (only) them into college. I am in favor of honest counseling of high school students, of counselors saying, “If you want to give it a shot, go for it. (But) I think you’re going to have a rocky road.” I’m enthusiastically in favor of training and education after high school for everyone. I’m just saying the way we go about it is crazy. There are a bunch of options.
Q: Would you advise someone today not to go for a four-year degree?
A: The B.A., which has become a requirement to get a job interview, often has absolutely nothing to do with what the job requires. (But) the reality in today’s world is that having the B.A. makes the difference. We have to change the reality.
Q: How did people react when you first broached these ideas?
A: Almost all (the responses) were positive. Professors and teachers were saying, “Thank God someone is finally saying this.” A student said, “I knew I had to (go to college), but it wasn’t right for me, and I wish it didn’t stand there as this great promised land that sucked us in.” Those reactions seem to indicate that people are open, ready and eager to think about alternatives.
On the subject of books for kids (and their parents) in general, really, I just ran across this USA Today article , which mentions the new Christopher Paolini and Rick Riordan titles, but also the following upcoming releases:
•Beyond the Spiderwick Chronicles: A Giant Problem by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi follows the fantasy and movie (Sept 16, Simon & Schuster, 350,000 copies).
•The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, illustrated by Dave McKean, imagines a boy raised by ghosts and werewolves (Sept. 30, HarperCollins, 250,000 copies).
•The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins stars a 16-year-old girl drafted for a new kind of reality TV: a fight to the death (Oct. 1, Scholastic, 200,000 copies).
•Inkdeath by Cornelia Funke completes the fantasy series that began with Inkheart (Oct. 7, Scholastic, 350,000 copies).
•Science Fair by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson matches middle-school scientists against foreign terrorists (Oct. 14, Disney, 250,000 copies).
•Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Do It Yourself Book by Jeff Kinney offers an interactive journal to fans of The Wimpy Kid series (Oct. 15, Abrams, 500,000 copies).
And don’t count out Rowling. Scholastic is releasing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Special Anniversary Edition (Sept. 23) and The Tales of Beedle the Bard (Dec. 4), wizard fairy tales handwritten and illustrated by Rowling, originally auctioned for charity last year.
When a friend recommended that I pick up a copy of George R.R. Martin’s “A Game of Thrones,” I let myself get thoroughly engrossed before I realized that it was part of an unfinished series.
There’s something comforting about knowing that there’s another book on the horizon to look forward to. There’s also something frustrating about having to wait… and wait… and wait.
Imagine if I had the (im)patience of a 12-year-old boy.
It seems like my son has been waiting FOREVER for the final installment of Christopher Paolini’s Inheritance Trilogy, which has taken five years to complete. You have to give Paolini a break — he was 15 when he wrote the first draft of “Eragon” — but his fans have been eagerly waiting for “Brisingr” since 2005. When you think about it, that’s a quarter of a 12-year-old’s life.
Now that the book’s release is a month away, I told my son we could preorder it from the bookstore to make sure he didn’t have to wait a minute longer than necessary to begin reading it.
Easier said than done, it turns out, but after confounding the bookstore cashier with our request, we had a chance to look over the other upcoming releases. One name jumped out at both of us:
Rick Riordan.
Rick Riordan is not a god, but he writes a series about the Olympian gods and their children, in particular, one Percy Jackson, whose story is not finished. Since there are thousands of kids (and their parents) waiting for the next Percy Jackson book, why did Riordian take time off to write “The 39 Clues”?
It could be because he’s brilliant.
One thing I really like about the Percy Jackson series is that it’s not just a good read, but it’s the type of series that sends kids looking for more reading materials so they can bone up on their Greek mythology.
I can only hope that Riodan’s new project inspires the same quest for knowledge about world history. The great thing about it is that it’s not just a book series. It’s going multimedia — no doubt to attract boys who are more reluctant to read than my son is.
The 39 Clues will feature ten action-packed books. The first, The Maze of Bones, is written by Rick Riordan, who also designed the story arc for the entire series. The 39 Clues experience also includes trading cards and a huge on-line game which will allow you to become a member of the Cahill family and compete for amazing prizes!
What a come-on, to both kids and their parents. Educational and fun? Judging from his other work, Riordan might be able to pull it off.
It looks like we’ll need to add that to our preorder list as well.
When I was little, one of my favorite books was “Are You My Mother?” by P.D. Eastman.
You might remember the story of the little bird whose mother is out scratching for worms when he hatches, leaving the baby bird to search all over for her until he’s rescued by a “SNORT,” which lifts him back to his nest where he finally finds his mom.
It’s not likely that the yacht a baby humpback whale has mistaken for his mother will be able to orchestrate a similar rescue. It seems so unlikely that a baby whale would mistake a piece of machinery for its mother, but the footage of the lost whale attempting to suckle the side of the boat seems pretty convincing.
When you consider all the technological advances man has made, it’s hard to accept that there’s no way to lead this baby whale to some sort of nourishment to save its life. If we can simulate human breast milk with baby formula, shouldn’t there be something to feed the whale? Does it really have to starve while everyone just crosses their fingers hoping that a whale wet nurse might just happen to pass by to take the baby whale under her fin?
Hopefully someone will figure out another solution. In the meantime, here’s the story from the Associated Press:
In this framegrab image taken off from Channel Nine television, a lost humpback whale calf swims around a yacht in the Pittwater, north of Sydney Harbour Monday, Aug. 18, 2008. The calf seems to think the yacht is its mother and will likely die within days if it doesn’t find another mother to adopt it, a wildlife official said Tuesday. (AP Photo/Channel Nine)
August 19, 2008 Whale lost in Sydney waters, bonds with yacht
A lost humpback whale calf that bonded with a yacht it seems to think is its mother will likely die within days if it doesn’t find another mother to adopt it, a wildlife official said Tuesday.
The 1- to 2-month-old calf was first sighted Sunday in waters off north Sydney, and on Monday tried to suckle from a yacht, which it would not leave. Rescuers towed the yacht out to sea, and the calf finally detached from the boat, but the creature returned to an inlet near Sydney Tuesday morning, New South Wales National Parks and Wildlife Service spokesman John Dengate said.
The calf can’t survive without mother’s milk for long, Dengate told Australia’s Fairfax Radio Network.
“It’s probably a question of days rather than weeks,” he said. “It’s a very grim prognosis.”
Artificial feeding would be impossible, so the calf’s only chance is to find another female whale to accept it, he said.
“If a lactating female with a calf goes past and this calf approaches that animal it may accept it, but … it’s a very slim chance,” Dengate said.
